I really did not want to go to band this morning. I was awoken around midnight by a prank call; and again at 1 and 4 am because i had to vomit. When i woke up to get ready, my lymph nodes were swollen and i just felt so miserable. But i went anyway, because we had to really work our drill today and i didn’t want to miss it.
Conditioning was mighty intense and for a long while i felt like i would vomit again, but i got past it. After that i only felt very exhausted. The morning was pretty productive but not too remarkable, other than I’m really coming to get along quite well with two girls i didn’t know very well before this year, because we have a bunch of drill sets near each other and just chat a lot while someone works with the other side of the field.
I was disappointed, though, because i had intended to fill in my dot-book last night but i just fell asleep instead.
We got drill for our third movement, which is 8 total sets and only 6 moving. But apparently that’s only about half of it, which is still quite short so that’s a relief- and exciting, because that drill is very very lovely.
For lunch I just went over to Rachael’s because she wanted pizza rolls and i just wanted a nap. First, we went to Walgreen’s to get some ice cream and My Guard Twin joined us (she’s really cool. I was casually friends with her, and she started twirling her junior year just like me and she’s a senior now. She’s very silly and great.) We had nachos and pizza rolls and ice cream and went back and that was all rather splendid.
This afternoon seemed mighty hot for a few periods of time, and mighty long which i think was just because we had such a long lunch and short afternoon yesterday.
When we went over with the band at 4, everything was going quite smoothly and Mr. Tucker asked me why My Guard Twin and i switched places awkwardly in a set, and i made a face telling him, “I don’t know, I didn’t write it!” And all the girls around me were like, “Ooohh!” because I’d told him off or whatever, but i didn’t really think anything of it. Because that’s just how Mr. Tucker and I talk to each other. I tell him I’m good at something and he rolls his eyes at me. He tells me to do something and I flip out refusing, as i’m doing it anyway. He asks me a question and doesn’t even expect serious answers. That’s just how it is with he and me.
At like 4:26 Mr. Hench had us set for a run-through of all that we knew, which was odd because usually we set for those at like 4:58 and yeah. So we did that and he called us in, and told us to sit down.
And Mr. Tucker started talking to us. And we knew this was serious business. He told us he didn’t know how to say it but that he would anyway—that he and his wife, Amy, our guard instructor, were moving to Virginia. That they were leaving us, and he was going to teach another band. And my god, i cried. A bunch of people cried. A lot of guard girls stayed quite a bit after talking with Amy, and Rachael and I stayed like a whole hour, talking to Mr. Tucker as well. I wanted to throw up and i could not stop crying.
Because even though I didn’t really know Amy before this year, i’ve grown so attached to her and i really look up to her. She is so lovely and confident and talented. And it’s sad that just as i’ve gotten to know and love her, she’s leaving in just a few weeks.
I don’t even know where to begin with Mr. Tucker. Like I said, he and I had that goofy relationship; and that wasn’t for effect. I really was thinking that earlier in the day, and that’s what makes this feel so crazy. Because he was a huge part of the reason I didn’t quit band after my brother died and our other director was being a huge jerk to me. He was a huge part of the reason i joined marching band, which i LOVE, which is how i got to be good friends with Megan who is so important to me. If Mr. Tucker hadn’t been a part of my life, I really wouldn’t be who i am. I don’t know what i would do without band. I don’t know how i would spend my time if i weren’t marching. Hell, i don’t even know if i would have made it through my second semester of freshman year if I didn’t have him around to help me out and motivate me and push me to be a better musician and laugh at me and be sarcastic with me. Yes, i had friends and other role models to help me through that time, but no one like him. And that affection is pretty much two-fold, because during that same year, I had a shit director. He was mean. He was snarky. He was really just quite rude to me. He was the man who got mad at me for going to my brother’s funeral instead of a band clinic. He was the man who pressured me to the thought of quitting band. He was the man who almost stole music from my life, and i really resent that. As much disdain i have for that director, is pretty much how much i love Mr. Tucker. And that’s a fuck-ton.
He just found out about the new job on Tuesday, so the school has only just put up a listing for his job. As for the guard, we’re going to have our director’s sister work with us for a while cos she does this stuff, too. But after that we’re not sure.
I trust the new people will be fine. But that doesn’t change how much I’ll miss the Tuckers. I am happy for them, i really am. I was excited for them, while we all sat on the ground sweaty and hot and gross, before i ever got sad that they were leaving me. I just need to work through being sad first, and let the glee shine through.